Microsoft’s Xbox One X Looks Awful and it Probably Won’t Sell.

Microsoft Just had their presentation and announced the Xbox One X. They are calling it “The world’s most powerful console…” And despite this claim, it really doesn’t look like the worlds most “powerful” console.

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Now I’m not doubting that this is the world’s most powerful console. I think that right now, that that statement is technically correct. I mean look at these specs! A 6 teraflop GPU, 326 GB/sec memory bandwidth and 12GB GDDR5 of graphic memory! Damn, That sounds more powerful than the Gaming PC I own. But what’s that? it’s 500$??? That’s a lot of money… but surely Microsoft has a fresh line up of games for the Xbox one X that will justify this 500$ price tag. Let’s take a look at the games and find out!

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First up Is Forza Motorsport 7. Now as a non-fan of forza I’ll try to explain the game to the best of my knowledge. Forza is kind of like a racing simulator, sort of like Gran Turismo for the PlayStation. It’s actually one of the most popular racing game franchises of all time. Now this is just a preference, but personally I don’t like realistic racing games. As someone who isn’t interested in cars, I’m more of a fan of a more arcady racing game. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the game, but I’m not going to buy a 500$ console to play this the game. Why would I when It’s also playable on the original Xbox One?

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Next Is Metro Exodus, Sequel to Metro: Last Light. Now what makes this game interesting is that it’s not only a sequel to 2013’s Metro Last Light it’s also a sequel to the Metro Book Series written by Dmitry Glukhovsky. I can’t say anything about the quality of the game since I haven’t seen any gameplay or played any of the previous games. But guess what, it’s also coming out on ps4 and PC so when it does come out in 2018 I’ll probably save my 500$ and get it for one of those!

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Next is Assassins Creed Origins. Great, another Assassins creed game, how many is that? 10? Jesus, how many times can you make the same game? I’m not very excited for this game because I find assassins creed to be boring, the “follow that guy” missions get old fast. The only game that I didn’t completely dislike was black flag, and that was because it had less to do with assassins creed than the rest of them. So I can safely say that I’m not getting the Xbone X for this game. Plus this is also going to be on the original Xbox One, so even If you don’t have an Xbox in the first place what is stopping you from getting a normal Xbox one to get this game? It would be a lot cheaper that’s for sure!

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Oh good! another game that I can get for the PC! There goes another game that doesn’t look like a must buy for the Xbone X.

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Next up is deep rock galactic. I Already I don’t like this games aesthetic. It’s low poly and cartoony, and set on an alien planet… sound familiar?

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But despite looking like No Man’s Sky, it’s actually a cave explorer multiplayer game. It’s four players and the game has you going through a cave fighting hordes of aliens. Sort of like left 4 dead. It’s in pre-alpha, meaning that it isn’t going to be released any time soon. So far there have been 5 different games and none of them make me feel like I need to get an Xbone X.

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The next game that was shown was State of Decay 2. Again, I haven’t played the last State of decay but it looks like another zombie game. They didn’t show anything that separates itself from the other million zombie games out in the market so I see no need to get this one.

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Next is the Darwin project. It kind of looks like the hunger games mixed with the cartoony style of over watch. What separates this game from other multiplayer games like this is the abilities you can use. You can use Different powers like a force-field and invisibility. From the trailer, it looks like it’s trying to be a more competitive game. But you know what they say about online competitive games… “they are only as good as the community that plays them” and we all know the type of player-base that Xbox attracts.

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Then they showed Minecraft. Since Minecraft is on every gaming console imaginable, I really don’t feel the need to get a 500$ Xbox because of this game, why would I? It looks the same on every platform I get it on. What would I be gaining by playing this on an Xbox One X?

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O.K. This one actually looks pretty good. It’s called Dragon Ball FighterZ, and for once it’s a traditional fighting game! Look how good the gameplay looks! Not only does the game look like the show, It looks like a solid game! It will be released on the normal Xbox One in 2018 with Xbox One X “enhancements”. Although it looks pretty good, It doesn’t look all that technically impressive. Maybe it will run smoother on the Xbox One X, but I feel like this game can be played on any console on the market right now.

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The next game is Black Desert Online. It’s an MMO that’s on the Xbox One X and on Windows. By virtue of it being an MMO I would rather play it on my computer, so this game isn’t going to sell me the Xbox One X.

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Then there is Sea Of Thieves. If there is one game that made me wish I had an xbox One X, It could be this game… Key word could. It looks like a pirate MMO where you team up with other players to search for treasure and fight other pirate crews. This game could be good depending on the amount of depth the game actually holds. But we won’t be sure about that until the game comes out. Could Sea of Thieves be the revival of Rare? Only time will tell. Oh… Never mind it’s also for windows, I’ll just get it on steam.

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This game “Tecoma” had the worst presentation I have ever seen in my life. The point of presenting your game at e3 is show off a proof of concept, Right? well “Tecoma” forgoes explaining what the game is about for the most vague trailer I have ever saw. Give it a watch, and try to tell me what it’s about without looking it up online. I dare you.

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Next is Super Lucky’s Tale. It looks like a 3d platformer from the ps2 era, and I don’t mean that as a complement. I don’t mind styalized graphics, but why was this game shown off at E3? Isn’t the big selling point of The XboneX is that it’s the most powerfull console on the market? if that’s the case show me some games that I can’t play on any other console other than a XboneX! But besides that it doesn’t look like it brings any new mechanics to the 3D platformer genre, so i’m going to pass on this one.

 

Wow, Going through every game sure is taking a long time. If I talk about all the games in this press conference, I’ll be here forever.

 

The point is that Microsoft Really screwed up this E3. Apparently, Microsoft is betting a lot on the success of the XboneX. Well if that is the case, then Microsoft sure does have an odd way of showing that! How the hell is Microsoft going to sell a 500$ console if all the games on it are available on a much more affordable console, And doesn’t show off the graphics that the Xbox One X is supposedly able to pull off?

I applaud Microsoft for trying to make their E3 More about the games, But this just isn’t the way to do it. The Xbox One X looks like it’s going to be a failure unless Microsoft does something fast.

Pepsi Fire is The Worst Soft Drink I have Ever had the Displeasure of Tasting

Pepsi Fire is the worst thing I have ever tasted in My entire life. No that isn’t an exaggeration, It’s actually that bad.

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You might be thinking, “well, that’s just your opinion.” You’re right, it is my opinion, It’s my opinion that it’s a goddamn fact that this is the most heinous creation mankind has ever had the displeasure of creating.

What’s so wrong with it? well for one thing its cinnamon flavor… you know, like from your favorite cinnamon challenge videos

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Like, who thought it would be a good idea to put cinnamon of all things in a soft drink. Yes i know that it’s an artificial flavor, but it tastes like cinnamon and it has the same aftertaste you would get from eating cinnamon.

In all my life, I never saw a cinnamon flavored anything, so who’s bright idea was it to make a soda drink out of it? that’s like making a Soft Drink out of vinegar… I mean with the right recipes it can be used for great affect, but under no circumstances should it be eaten by itself.

apparently there was actually sister drink that goes with it aptly called Pepsi Ice.

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As far as I know, This was actually sold for a short period of time internationally before coming here to the states. In the countries of Guam, Saipan, Thailand, Mexico, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, and Vietnam. And, get this, It wasn’t recieved well… If they know it sold like crap why are they selling it here?

As far as I’m concerned this is a waste of shelf space and I can’t wait until they get discontinued. I’ll give this an item about a 2/10 just, the only reason I give it a 2 instead of a 1 is that i’m sure that it has some people that like it and I don’t want to offend the 2 people who think that way.

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Super Mario Sunshine, I Hate to Admit, Is the Worst in the Series

My first Mario game was Super Mario sunshine for the Nintendo Gamecube. Although it holds a great deal of nostalgia value for me, after playing all the main line Mario games I have to come clean and admit that super Mario sunshine is the worst Mario game.

Before I start to explain why I think this. I first have to say that I love Mario. Ever since I was young I have been enjoying this fat Italian plumbers adventures. great controls, solid level design, memorable worlds. All of these are what you expect when you play a Mario game. But even though they are all essentially platforms all of the mainline games are different and add something new to the formula. So here is a quick rundown of all the Mario games just to give context to why I think Mario Sunshine is the worst in the series

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The first Super Mario Innovated the platforming genre.  you can make a case that this is the most innovative game of all time, and for good reason. The controls feel are extremely tight and responsive, and the levels are designed to be fair and challenging. It’s never the games fault when you die, it’s your own fault. Over 30 years later and it’s still a solid, fun game.

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Then after Mario 2, They perfected the 2d platformer with Super Mario bros 3. With this new installment the level design and solid controls where back better than ever. but they also added an overworld system with diverging paths, A p meter that fills up when Mario’s momentum builds up, and a bunch of new powerups. With all of those elements added up together, you have my favorite game in the NES library.

Then they came out with super Mario world which is more or less Mario 3 on with better graphics. I know there are a lot more differences than that but that’s essentially what it brings new to the table. Also it’s the first game where Yoshi shows up

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Then, In 1996, Super Mario 64 came out.

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Remember how I said that you could make an argument of how Super Mario 1 is the most influential game? well Mario 64, I think, Is what most people think is the most influential game of all time. There where 3d games before this, but none of them felt this good or fluid to move around in. This was also the first non linear mission based Mario game. Meaning that the levels have multiple missions to complete that can be completed out of order. Many people have this as their greatest game of all time, and I think, for a good reason.

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Now skipping sunshine for a little bit let’s talk about the Galaxy games and Super Mario 3d World. First Galaxy 1 and 2. Super Mario galaxy 1 and 2 are both games on the Wii. And because of that they both incorporate motion control. But luckily it’s integrated well enough so it not only doesn’t impede the game play, but sometimes it even facilitates it. It goes back to a more linear style, but that’s alright because all the levels in this game are brimming with good level design that utilizes it’s gravity mechanics to its fullest.

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That brings us to super Mario 3d world. Super Mario 3d worlds gimmick is that it’s a 3d game designed like a 2d mario game. They are able to do this by always keeping the camera at a fixed angle and your goal is to complete the stages by touching the flagpole. The level design in this game is the highlight for me. Every level is brimming with creativity and new gimmicks to explore. If you are looking for a classic platforming game then this game is the one for you.

That brings us back to Sunshine.

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Now before I continue, I just want to say that I don’t think Sunshine is a bad game, In fact I think it’s a very good game. But it does have some issues that I think need to be pointed out.

 

Number 1: Glitches

This has to be the most glitchy Mario game I have ever played. Now i’m not saying the other games never had any gliches but the frequency of when I experience the gliches are light and day. Remember that pachinko level?

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on more than one occasion there where spots where Mario would be stuck on the nail forcing me to quit the level and reenter. If it was just that level that was glitchy I wouldn’t mind so much, but the entire game has glitches that just ruins the immersion. This game just isn’t as polished as the rest of the series.

Number 2: Gameplay

As a sequel to super Mario 64, Super Mario sunshine Took some of the movement options that Mario had in that game and added fludd.

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Now Fludd, or your Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device, expands Mario’s move set by giving Mario the ability to hover, and the ability to shoot water for attacking and cleaning goop. Now I’m going to try to explain to you why I think the inclusion of fludd was a bad idea

First of all because of the new Hover ability, the pace of the game is slowed down to a halt. With hovering it takes forever to do anything. Now compare the act of hovering to long jumping, which is faster? Long jumping, but not only is it faster, it feels more fluid and responsive to long jump over a gap instead of just hovering over it.

The second reason I don’t like Fludd is that he Feels like a safety net. All of the challenge of platforming has been erased with the inclusion of fludd and replaced with challenge with controlling boats and other poorly designed gimmicks (refer back to pachinko stage)

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That’s not to say that there aren’t any levels that utilize flood for platforming. One of my favorite levels of the game has you jumping across great distances with the boost powerup for flood

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This game would have been up there with the best of the series if there where more moments like this.

one other thing that I don’t like about the gameplay is Marios downgraded movelist. In mario 64 you could crawl, longjump, and back flip. Sure you could spin jump in Sunshine, but that never feels as satisfying to pull off as a longjump.

Number 3: Level  Design

A big reason I play these games are for the level design. And out of all Mario games, Super Mario sunshine has the worst. And I think the underlying problem with the level design is the dev team trying to keep continuity intact.

What I mean by this is that Is that super Mario sunshine tries so hard to keep the levels logically consistent at the consequence of lowering the quality of the level. The best Example I can think of this is Pinna Park

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Pinna Park Is an amusement park at isle delphino plaza. And since it’s an amusement park there are a bunch of rides (obviously) but it seems like the dev team tried to make the level seem like a real amusement park instead of trying to make it fun to traverse. If you try the red coin mission in this level, you will realize just how annoying and poorly designed this level is.

That’s not to say there are only bad levels, In fact my favorite Mario levels of all time are in this game. The secret levels that take fludd away from you really challenge your mastery of the games mechanics.

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These levels are fun but they are only a small part of the whole game.

Number 4: The Missions

The missions in this game are so goddamn annoying. And I’m not just talking about the pachinko missions or the missions you have to steer a boat. I’m talking about how most of these missions are designed. Now to be fair most of them aren’t that bad. But some of them just go off the deep end.

The worst one in this game is Yoshi’s Fruit Adventure.

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This has to be one of the most tedious levels in all of gaming. I’m going to explain how you beat it and keep in mind if you screw up once, you have to start all over. So the plot of this mission is that there is a star off of Rico harbor, but the star is in a high place so you can’t get to it with conventional means. The only way to get the star is to get Yoshi to spray the fish jumping out of the water to make platforms to get to where the star is. The whole way over there you are passing over water, so if you screw up once you have to start all over. Here is the video of this level.

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